The Ultimate Mission - Escaping the Friend Zone

Escaping the friend zone is impossible.

Really, it is, you better move on.

Just move on…

Still reading?

Well then you must be really interested in escaping it because I already told you that it’s impossible!

If you ever learned how to avoid the friendzone, you already know that girls classify guys in two types: the ones that they’d never get into a relationship with and the ones who they consider something could happen with.

If you’re in the first group, then you’ve probably been put in the friend zone!

The categories:

The Nice Guy:

  • Nice guy.
  • Insecure guy.
  • Isn’t masculine.
  • Not flirty.
  • Is afraid to touch her.

Here, you’re probably going to be put in the “just friends” category.

On the opposite side.

The Cool Guy:

  • Confident.
  • Acting through his own intentions and interests first.
  • Stated it clearly that he is masculine.
  • Is physical.

Then you probably stand a good chance.

There’s Science Behind it:

Being put into the friendzone and escaping it is merely about changing the way someone socially perceives you, this is typically extremely difficult because once someone has a role in the tribe, social pressure and assumptions keep that person there.

Or at least that’s how it works in our minds, so really there’s just no 100% sure way to escape it, but we could just give it a shot and here goes what would work the best:

5 Steps to Escaping the friend zone:

You probably have a girl in mind if you’re reading this and she has already friendzoned you.

1. The first thing you got to do is forget her:

If you want to get out of the friendzone with a girl, first you’ve got to do is get rid of the friendship. This is a hard decision, is it worth jeopardizing your friendship with this girl over the possibility of having a relationship with her?

If the answer is ‘no’ then just forget it and continue being her friend.

If the answer is ‘yes’, then from now on I’ll assume this girl is no longer someone who you care for as a friend but rather someone you’d want to be your girlfriend or something similar.

2. The less you care, the better:

Sounds harsh, but it’s true. The more you care about this whole situation, the more try-hard you’ll be and when it comes to attraction, being a try-hard and a push-over is a VERY bad thing.

Work on escaping the friend zone as a side project, this means you’re talking to other girls and getting interested in them in the meantime, your goal is to get rid of those intensely strong emotions so that you can “function” better.

Being obsessed over some girl that sees you as a friend is the worst possible situation you could be in work on diversifying your interests for everyone’s sake.

3. Time and distance are your allies:

The best way to somewhat eliminate the social perception this girl has of you is by letting her forget it a bit. If you’re in the friend zone, then you need to first disappear from this girl’s radar for a while. This means no more calling, hanging out all the time, texting or any sort of contact.

You need a fresh start so that the old role that you had established with her sort of fades away. Give it time and distance, in the meantime become a more confident guy, start meeting more people and girls, hit he gym, get new clothes; basically become the best version of you that you could be.

I’d say give it 3-4 months, and that’s just a rough estimate, could be much more or much less, the whole idea is that you get a fresh start with her with a new attitude.

4. The big comeback:

It shouldn’t really be a big event, don’t pretend to make it so either. You can just hangout with her again like in the old times. But, here’s the trick: as you’ve taken up an entire new attitude (a cool guy frame), you’re different.

Her natural reaction is to be “just friends” with you, as it’s what she’s used to. She will try to force this frame onto you again because as humans we try to preserve roles, don’t take it personal.

Your job now it to still be natural and friendly but add up your attitude change, start flirting. State that you’re a man and she’s a woman, the man-to-woman frame. You’re no longer her ‘girl-friend’.

You’ve got to be careful with this, the whole idea is that it happens gradually and not out of wrath, don’t pretend to come back and act like some sort of creep.

5. Slowly Changing the friend zone Frame:

It’s supposed to happen naturally. If you had had the correct attitude when you first met this girl she probably wouldn’t have friendzoned you, but this doesn’t mean that she’s going to fall in love with you.

Actually, when a girl falls in love with you it’s pretty similar to establishing a friendship with her; the difference is the attitude that the guy that she’s interacting with has.

If he’s a ‘chump’ it’ll end up in the friend zone situation, if he’s got a cool guy frame then she’s probably going to start liking him.

It should be no different in this situation, don’t expect instant-love.

What you should expect is a “frames battle” this means she’ll be trying to put you in the friendzone (as in thinking of you as just a friend), but you’re not letting it happen by presenting yourself as someone who she could date.

If you come at it too strongly she’s going to be freaked out.

Once you say something flirty or act in a way that is congruent with your new cool guy frame, she’s likely to be a little weirded out because it’s not what she’s used to coming from you.

The trick is slowly implementing this new dynamic without freaking her out too much. At some point she’s going to start accepting that you are a cool guy, and not ‘just her friend’, this is when you build up the sexual tension.

The right mixture works something like this:

1/3 Flirt/Be Physical + 2/3 usual normal friendly (cool guy frame)

Once she get used to that you can add more flirting, it all depends on how willing she is to buy into this new frame, be patient.

Of course, human interactions are not math equations, and I’m just trying to make it a bit of a graphical description.

Final Notes:

The step by step list to escaping the friend zone works like this:

  • She must be worth it.
  • You must care about a relationship with her more than about the current friendship.
  • Drop contact.
  • Adopt a cool guy frame by: Learning to interact with girls, getting more confident, meeting more people, etc.
  • Come back and get rid of the ‘nice guy’ idea she has of you.
  • Build up sexual tension by holding good eye contact, being physical and flirting.

There are lots of cases where old friends become lovers and it happens naturally, however those cases are a big minority. This ‘method’ if you may call it that is not 100% sure to work, but it sure hits the problem on the spot because the whole friend zone issue has to do with how a woman’s mind works in terms of social value. Go out and get social!

<-- How to Avoid the Friend zone

Related Articles:

Being a nice guy: Stop being the 'nice guy' that never gets the girl.

Building Social Skills: Learn to go from shy and loner to cool and social.

A man's Body Language: Use your body language to attract all the girls you deserve.

Read a Woman's body language: Learn how to read women's UNCONCIOUS displays of attraction.

Back from the Friend Zone to Nice guys finish last
Back to Social Success Home


Have your say about what you just read! Leave me a comment in the box below.