Shyness, Social Anxiety and Self Confidence TipsAsk Gary

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Self Confidence Tips - Question by Jim - Exposure

Question by Jim:

Couldn't help noticing the phrase: "Stop Avoidance and fear will go away". What sort of approach do you adopt when tackling a situation you feel unprepared for? Just throw yourself into it of look for something you feel is tough but achievable? I've thrown myself into the lion’s den sporadically but never got used to it really. Any suggestions if and when you find the time are welcome.


Gary's Answer:

Throwing yourself into the lion’s den will almost never end well in the short term.

But, in the long run if you did put yourself in those uncomfortable situations every time you found them, you’d eventually feel less and less anxious about it; you can only be terrified by a certain new social situation so many times. Eventually it'll stop being a situation that makes you feel as anxious as it used to. You can never think short term when it comes to expanding your comfort zone; you’ve always got to see the big picture.

Commitment and understanding are two equally important values to cultivate. You need commitment because you won’t always get the results you want ESPECIALLY in the beginning, and you need understanding so that you can actually aim your social improvement efforts in the right direction and move as fast as possible.

Start small, anxiety comes when the challenge is bigger than the skill, boredom when the skill is greater than the challenge and excitement when the skill matches the challenge.

So basically, throwing yourself into the lion’s den is a good thing and it could end well or not. The really important thing is that the more you survive those socially awkward situations, the more you’ll get de-sensitized to them.



Short Reply by Jim:

"Anxiety comes when the challenge is bigger than the skill, boredom when the skill is greater than the challenge and excitement when the skill matches the challenge."

This is very insightful. Thank you for the time it took to write, you obviously put thought into this.

I went to a Muay Thai gym a few times after never having left the house in years, hard to believe to people probably. One of the guys there drew attention to how nervous I looked came out not feeling a bag of freshly picked roses with slight amnesia lol.

Incredible anxiety, however, you're right in the sense that in the long-term I've learned what I'm up against, I know I've improved since then dramatically. I know when I'm thrown in I can handle myself with some decorum EVEN in situations like that I could file out seemingly unperturbed to curious onlookers. Thanks for all the social anxiety disorder information and thanks again mate.


Leo Comments:

I read your "controversial" opinion on the topic, lol.

I like what you have to say, thanks for your self confidence tips.

I am sort of the same as you, and am actually a party animal like you say. I have pretty much just put all my fears behind me and gone through with things. The fear is always there, and of course I have very depressing days, but I still go out and do things man.

Keep it up; this is definitely the right attitude towards mastering your social life, you can either sit and complain or actually get some work done with the cards you’ve been dealt.

Gary's Answer:

Thanks man, you’re definitely on the right track, just realize that going out and facing fear makes it disappear, that’s all there is to it. Gather all the self confidence tips you can and then you go do things you’re scared to do and the fear will go away.

Of course people get trapped on all the trivialities around it, and don’t even TRY.

If more people were actually trying and not whining the world would be completely different, so you’re definitely right there in the group that will achieve a lot!


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