Meaning of Congruent Personalities – Build a Life that is Congruent to your Goals.

Finding the meaning of congruent personalities gives a purpose to your ultimate social success goal.

If you’ve been reading through this site you know that I wasn’t the coolest kid when growing up.

This is probably your case as well. There are people to whom being very social and open is just second nature. This is probably not your (our) case.

It makes sense that if you’re reading this article, you're just more of an introspective person who wants to improve socially. Learning all the theory about how socializing work is extremely interesting.

On the flip side, when you start reading about it you find out that the theory tells you that practice makes about 95% of the whole deal. Like I wrote in the ‘how to make friends’ article; you find out that socializing most time is something that comes on an instinctual/vibe/not-thinking manner.

Quite a paradox to find out that you want to learn all the theory about how to socialize effectively and that this theory just tells you that you should out and get experience.

Theory is good, but when you’re out there socializing it serves you no good. However, having a map (theory) to your destination is better than walking (action) aimlessly.

Fitting Congruency into your life:

So, you’re starting a journey to become better socially and your ultimate goal is social success, well, first thing you need is a plan.

Second; you need a goal, that’s where this article comes into play: the meaning of congruent, being congruent, having a congruent personality.

Do you want to get to a level where you don’t have to think about this 'being good socializing' stuff anymore? Where you can just ‘BE yourself’ and that is enough?

Well, being congruent is the answer.

Being congruent means being COMPLELTY in alignment with what you preach, every word and action that comes from you is either in alignment with your goal or with how you feel in the moment.

Applying Congruency to your Life:

If you want to be a girl magnet you don’t just sit at home playing world of warcraft all day.


The answer is simple:

Because that’s not what someone who’s good at attracting women does.

The whole point is that a lifestyle change is somewhat needed. The more your lifestyle matches your goals, the more natural it'll become for you to reach your goals.

In the case of social confidence: You’ve got to start living a more social life.

If you want to feel good physically you’ve got to start working on your appearance.

Your life will ALWAYS be a consequence of your actions:

This is where the meaning of congruent personality comes into play

The point is to make your actions come in alignment with your goals. To do this you've got to make lifestyle changes.

  • Getting good with girls: Read some theory and go out and talk to women.
  • Getting better social skills: Read some theory and go out and meet new people.
  • Becoming more confident: Read some theory and go out to apply it and learn to feel better about yourself.

And so on...

At first it will seem like too much to handle. Making all those lifestyle changes that will slowly start to align every part of your life with your ultimate goal.

One of the secrets of success is to align every action with an ultimate goal; this is the meaning of congruent.

Don’t walk around purposeless.

Here’s a list of a couple things you can do to align your actions with your ultimate Social Success goal:

  • Start going out on the weekends: This was the first big mayor step for me, nowadays I always have plans for the weekend, back in the day I literally when out about twice a year.
  • Start talking to members of the opposite sex.
  • Start asking girls out.
  • Start getting involved in more activities that force you to improve your social skills.
  • Start being 'opinionated': Don’t be scared to state your opinion.
  • Start leading people: Take the initiative to lead interactions, be the first one to do it and set the pace.
  • Have discipline

As you start progressing, being congruent takes an even more introspective dimension, for example you should start being congruent even with the way you think:

  • I’m attractive to girls.
  • I’m awesome.
  • I’m social.

Here's a list of daily positive thoughts to help you out with that one.

On the other hand you can consciously help your mind with this, in my case I noticed I liked showing off a lot. So I just stopped doing that and my mind felt the need to brag but I just stopped.


Because it’s incongruent! Truly confident people are so sure of themselves that they don't feel the need to brag.

Meaning of Congruent - Being Congruent with your Emotions:

Another aspect of being congruent. that is like the other side of the same coin is being congruent with how you feel.

It's a paradox in self improvement. If you want to improve yourself then that means that 'there's something wrong with you' and that means that you are never going to fully accept yourself.

How can one improve constantly and still accept oneself? What's the meaning of congruent emotions?

It's a paradox and the best approach is to assume this mindset:

I'm already awesome and I'm just making myself even better.

Isn't that how the japanese build their technology? Anyway!

Being congruent with your emotions will give you that boost of self-acceptance that is always needed.

This is actually really powerful when applied correctly. Let's say you're feeling a bit nervous or anxious about a certain social situation. Being congruent with your emotions is fully accepting how you're feeling and act accordingly.

You'd be surprised how confident it'll make you feel acting scared when you're actually scared. Most times it's the fact that you're trying to hide your emotions what will make you act really weird.

Again, "I'm already awesome and I'm just making myself even better." is the motto of being congruent with your emotions. If you're a cool guy and you feel scared then that should be ok with you and with everyone else. Then again you're moving forward and becoming less and less scared in situations as time passes by.

This is the meaning of congruent, align every fiber of your body with your purpose in life, go out and get social!

Related Articles:

Make  Eye Contact Without Feeling Uncomfortable: Learn to relax and let your eye contact do the work.

Just Be Yourself: Gain confidence by just 'being yourself'.

16 Confidence Boosters: Sixteen things you can do to win confidence.

Dealing with Rejection: Learn how each rejection is a new brick in your castle.

How to handle rejection - Part 2

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