For a man who’s working on his social skills, letting go of a relationship can be particularly hard. Especially if you had a beautiful connection with this ‘one girl’, and that you just can’t let go of those special moments you spent with her.
And since you're working on your social skills and might not have much ‘women’ experience yet; we could be speaking your first girlfriend or at least the girl you had the special connection with, a girl who you've gotten deeply involved with, or just any situation where the lack of social experience and abundance can give you big attachment and a really hard time.
I’ll tell you a bit about my own personal story with letting go of a relationship. I fell totally in love with my first girlfriend; it was the first time I had someone who was totally and madly in love with me.
The relationship was awesome and we got along pretty well, our personalities just clicked together in a very special way. I could see myself getting married with this girl because of how good we got along with each other.
But, it’s not always rainbows, unicorns and sunshine.
After a while the relationship went sour: She wold constantly get mad at me for silly issues, I’d get very needy from time to time, she’d go indifferent, I’d chase her, it all turned into needy relationship drama, and then everything would fall back into some sort of fake stability that would eventually explode. It became a vicious circle that ALWAYS ended the same way, and most times I’d get the worst part of it. It had to end and it wasn’t going to be easy; well letting go of a relationship never is.
After multiple ‘breakup-and-getting-back-together’ incidents I realized I just couldn’t accept this relationship in my life anymore, and the process of letting go began.
So, what should you do to speed up the process of letting go of a relationship, how do you get over ‘the love of your life’?
First things first, you need to decide that you’re not getting back together with her no matter what. The hardest part of deciding to let go is that most times we don’t want to give up on our feelings for someone. I’ve experienced it and I have friends who also did, it’s very common for you to not want to give up on the ‘specialness’ of this person.
Especially if you feel scarce about your options in life, giving up on the good (or bad) and intense emotions you feel for someone can be like letting go of a drug.
You just ‘don’t want her to stop being special in your mind’ and it becomes harder when you attach all sorts of logical reasons to why you can’t let go of these emotions, ideas such as ‘she’s the one’, ‘I love her’, ‘I won’t find anyone else like her’, etc.
Reality is that she’s not moving to another continent or DYING. She’s not ‘disappearing forever’. And even if she were, this is about YOU getting YOUR life together. Don't grieve about such loss as if it were some death.
To proceed to move on you must first decide to let go. So, just decide to let go of those emotions and do what you’ve got to do.
This is the first step to letting go of a relationship.
Get rid of any items that remind you of her, put them all in a box and throw it away or just hide it. Delete all the cell phone pictures, avoid those ‘special songs’ and stop listening to any sort of depressing love music.
It gets easier without those constant reminders, the less time your mind spends feeling bad about the breakup, the better. You need to pull yourself out of this ‘down’ state.
No talking, no texting, no calling, no chatting, no emailing, no stalking her social networks, stop being friends with her on facebook, instagram, twitter, snapchat… ALL of it. If you’re serious about letting go of a relationship you need to cut all means of contact. Make your accounts private.
The less you know about her the easier it gets. And if you want a little ego boost, the least she knows about you the more she’ll wonder about what you’re up to.
This is all about you.
If a relationship is over then you’ve got to become a better person for the next one. This means being more grounded as a man, more expressive, a better leader, more intuitive with women’s emotions, learning how to handle her emotional reactions, etc.
You won’t get any of those skills by chasing your ex-girlfriend around and trying to get her approval, women want men and men are in control of themselves.
She wants to be with the winner, not to win.
Work on yourself intensely: workout, work on your social skills, go meet new people, join new activities. Anything you can do to work on your self-confidence, gain social skills and become more centered as a man is your way to stop women from emotionally controlling your life.
Remember that the overall goal is:
This is the lifestyle that you want and what you’re striving for. Keep your focus here.
Picture yourself as what you want to be, what are your goals? Where do you want to go? What steps should you be taking to get there?
Live by the idea that: You are a catch and if a girl decides to get off your train it’s legitimately her loss; really it is.
I can resume this point in a simple idea.
Why suffer for some girl that doesn’t want to be with you? Why suffer for a situation that can’t be fixed?
When you’re feeling down just remember; that girl doesn’t even want to be with you in the first place so why even bother?
It's a self-respect thing at this point.
This is the ultimate way of letting go of a relationship. Abundance wins all.
A huge chunk of the bad emotions you get from a breakup come from the fact that ‘someone loved you’ and they ‘don’t love you anymore’, this directly feels like you’ve just lost a crap load of approval from someone extremely important; and it actually kind of is.
Being rejected feels bad, and it feels even worse if the rejection is from someone who you had some sort of emotional connection with.
Look at these emotions objectively and attack the causes. Being objective about this means realizing that when you have an abundance of girls, friends, social plans, social options, etc. You don’t need someone’s specific approval that bad.
Having an abundance of options makes this whole process easier, and you won’t feel that devastating blow on your self-esteem from the approval that was taken away. Abundance is the ‘magic pill’.
You build abundance by going out and getting social, you don’t build abundance by sitting at home and crying, no matter how bad it is, you need to be proactive about it and focus on making new connections every time you go to a party with your friend, or every time you go out for dinner.
The combination of all these points will make letting go of a relationship a lot easier, it’s all about what’s best for you and becoming a better man for your next relationship. Go out and get social!