The real "Be yourself" - How to gain confidence The Right Way

Have you ever thought about learning how to gain confidence through “being yourself”. “Just be yourself” is such a washed up and cliché phrase. You might think that if “being yourself” was effective you wouldn’t be here reading this article, right?

Well, “be yourself” is actually pretty good advice.

What this phrase should actually say is “be the most confident version of yourself”.

Let’s learn how being congruent to who you are can actually teach you how to gain confidence and gain you lots of confidence.

Expose the “Real” you:

To understand what the real you is, you’ve got first to know what the real you is. The real you is the things you like (from professional boxing to professional Pokémon battling in matching cosplay), your vocabulary, your background, your ideals and your values.

To be successful in the social world you DO NOT need to change those things, nonetheless try to fit any standards of “coolness” imposed by society.

Your personality is flexible, there’s certain things in yourself that can be changed; but this DOES NOT mean that there is something wrong with YOU.

For example: In my case I’ve got to learn that I love my personality, but at times I avoided making eye contact with people o tried to run away from interacting with people.

This of course didn’t result in displaying the confidence and expressiveness that my personality deserved to be showed to the world.

We all tend to mix up who we are with things like insecurity and shyness, when in reality that’s just a portion of oneself. This portion must be worked on to ensure the socially successful life you want.

What you want to do is to display all of your personality to others, to be expressive and genuinely confident (belief-full) of who you are.

To do this you’ve got to train those certain muscles and get rid of those certain things you do that:

  1. Don’t get you the results you want and aren’t a confident display of the real you.
  2. Make you distrustful of showing your personality.

Stop putting up a façade:

So now that you got the willpower to go out and talk to people, girls and make a social life, you want to go out and fake a personality.

Whilst you want to be expressive of the REAL you and try on new things like being outgoing; putting up a fake personality to avoid your ego getting hurt is bad news.

You want to strengthen your belief in yourself and to do this you must start putting your personality in the line because that’s what’s being strengthened.

When the “Real” you gets Rejected:

When you go “oh, I’ll talk to this person” and that person treats you poorly; it’ll hurt. Hasn’t this happened to all of us at some point in our lives? This is the base of what we all call bad past social experiences.

This is where mentality plays a HUGE role and where you can realize that your life is completely under your control and not other’s. Let’s make this clear:

Where are you at in your life:

  • You are a guy who wants to learn how to gain confidence in his personality, and who’s trying to achieve his goals. Just by this fact you are already part of a good rare breed of human beings.
  • You are just working against your own tendency to be inexpressive and introverted, it’s not a big surprise that people will react a certain way or the other.
  • You are disengaging from the emotions caused by other people rejecting your social advances. If you’ve never lifted weights you have to go through the part where your muscle is still small, if you are too embarrassed to work on your muscle when it’s small then it’ll never be big.
  • Accept eventual “rejection” from others, most people are actually nice so be expectant of good reactions.
  • Why do other people’s opinion matter? When you start doing what has to be done and start validating yourself; other people’s opinions will be irrelevant because they don’t know you as well as you do. If in the first place you valued your opinion over others then you wouldn’t feel insecure in the first place. Making sense?

How to Gain Confidence – Learn to let it Go:

Separating emotions and process is really important. Once you learn how to gain confidence this way, you should internalize how it all works and separate the physical and mental job that has to be done from the possible consequences.

What this means is: You know that you are going to start being more expressive and showing your personality. What you are NOT going to do is to be emotional about that process.

You must learn to express your personality and “be yourself” regardless of other’s opinions. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be socially aware and caring of others, what it means is that you are setting your own standards for life.

In then end; the plan is pretty simple.

  • Put yourself out there.
  • Be expressive of your real self. Be more outgoing, be the one setting the pace whilst letting others set it too. Be proud of who you are.
  • Get rid of those little things that keep you from building strength in your self-concept. Avoiding social interactions, running away when you’re feeling a bit nervous, etc.
  • Get over your emotions telling you to not do what has to be done.
  • Build a strong sense of self.

In the end it all becomes taking your personality, trusting it and becoming a cause; not an effect in your world. Go out and get social.

Here is a great video on how to gain confidence through being vulnerable, a pretty sensible approach on this topic; still a great video.

Related Articles:

Make  Eye Contact Without Feeling Uncomfortable: Learn to relax and let your eye contact do the work.

Exercises for Gaining Self Confidence: Hit the confidence Gym.

Having a Congruent Personality: When confidence comes from being in alignment with your purpose and goal in life.

16 Confidence Boosters: Sixteen things you can do to win confidence.

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