Now that you know the correct mindset on how to build confidence, you can start taking action, building the lifestyle and adopting the behaviors that will reinforce the empowering mindset and self-concept you want.
The basic idea behind learning how to build confidence is to improve your social skills. The way you make your new confident mentality actually stick with you is to start improving in the areas where you’re lacking those skills.
Through intelligent work on the areas that need work, you’ll start gaining more confidence. As your comfort zone widens, you build the life that you want and become more skilled and therefore self-trusting of yourself.
Work on your Social Skills.
I’ve been there, sometimes accepting things from others just because you’re too shy/too scared/too anxious to step up.
Effectively socializing actually looks a lot like entering conflict, don’t be afraid to step up for yourself at all times, recognize when unacceptable behavior is being directed your way and stop it.
Learn to be more Assertive.
But, another REALLY important aspect of being assertive is to be assertive towards yourself.
Accepting second class behavior from others is bad, but you know what’s even worse? Accepting second class behavior from YOURSELF.
Let me explain this one a bit.
It relates a lot to not doing things out of shyness, like for example, being too shy to ask for directions at a train station and deciding you’ll find your train on your own. Closely related to the “fake it till you make it” mindset, asserting yourself to yourself is full-on taking the confident behavior you are entitled to.
You are a cool guy, start believing it, but before you believe it; you must first make yourself do those things that a cool guy would do. This is a very important step on learning how to build confidence.
People are terrified of being embarrassed, except confident guys, or so they seem… We all mess up.
Brief Story: This one time I was with my friend and his boss at a bar, we were having a few drinks, his boss was joking around, etc. At some point my friend’s boss raises his hand to call the waiter and I thought he was high-fiving me.
So, I high fived him. You can imagine how embarrassing that was.
We ALL mess up. Problem is that when you ramble on your mistakes for too long they just decrease your confidence.
There’s 2 ways to stop mentally repeating your social mistakes over and over:
You become the top 5 people who you hang out with the most. If you have friends who are anti-social, negative and generally the opposite idea of what you would want to be, you’re going to have to stop hanging out with them.
Build a life that empowers you, with friends that are the way you want to be or that fill you with confidence or push you to pursue the confident social life you want.
Your social influences and your life influences will pretty much make your process of learning how to build confidence a natural thing. Offer the best version of yourself to others and start making those positive social connections.
Start building a life with a Positive Mindset.
Start Connecting with people.
As much as looks don’t really matter; if fixing your appearance helps you feel better, then just do it!
Buy new clothes or start fixing your style, I used to be too shy to go shopping or dress well. It really does make a big difference to dress in a way that actually makes you feel well.
Work on your grooming, get rid of that disgusting beard, seriously if you’re going to have a beard get a well-kept one, not a mess.
More on Grooming.
This deserved a special mention under the “Fix you appearance” section of this article. Not only working out makes your body look better, but it also makes you literally feel better.
Working out makes your body generate testosterone, as men, our brains need a good dose of this and it makes up feel well. It also makes us release a whole bunch of endorphins that literally will just make you feel good.
Eating well also affects your brain chemistry, just pay attention to your health and appearance, it will all do more good than harm and help you on how to build confidence.
The way confidence is truly internalized is through a mindset change, the things mentioned in page 1 will help you get a jist of the mindset that will make you a confident guy. The Action steps on this page help you build a positive life that makes everything easier/helps you internalize the idea.
In reality what will make you truly change your mindset and make all those ideas stick with you is: Experience.
Social experience will teach you everything you need to know, guidance is necessary to get there faster, but experience alone will get you there anyways.
You need lots of social experiences to:
The more experience with the correct mindset that you get, the more you realize that other people’s opinions don’t really matter, that you are building your own life and that the world is not such a scary place.
Learn more about How to Build Confidence.
3 Tips on How to Become More Assertive: Start drawing lines, earning some respect, being the man and get the girls.
Just Be Yourself: Gain confidence by just 'being yourself'.
Start from Rock Bottom: Build up you confidence from zero, and become the confident man.
Make Eye Contact Without Feeling Uncomfortable: Learn to relax and let your eye contact do the work.