The first step on learning how to be social is realizing that if you’re having a hard time, there’s probably something that you’re doing wrong. Either with the mindset you’re facing social situations or the way you’re approaching them.
Being successful is about taking control and not about blaming others for their reactions, so basically to master your social life you should first think about what it is that you’re doing and how you can make those little changes that will take you a long way.
So maybe you’re doing a few things wrong here and there, whether it is that you blame others or yourself for it, it’s just a negative mindset that does no good.
First things first, being negative draws people away so you should stop doing that.
No complaining, no excuses, just working on becoming a more pleasant person to be around of.
Let’s start the self-examination of what you might be doing wrong.
It’s easy to be more open to the people who you’re already comfortable with, but when it comes to meeting new people and making connections it’s a different story.
If you’re anything like me, you might completely shut down around new people especially if they seem cooler or intimidating.
This usually happens because of fear, fear won’t really go away but it will tone down a lot as you grow in confidence. Still, you can work on the skill of opening up
It’s not a quick personality shift to make, but as you TRY to be more open to people it starts to stick with you.
You know those things that you know you should do but you don’t because you might feel too scared to do them? That’s exactly the kind of thing that helps you build this skill.
Ask questions that require more than a yes/no answer from others; for example ask their opinion on something.
Say “Hi!” to the people you interact with daily, your janitor, cleaning lady, butler, whatever. Make this sort “social openness” a new habit.
If you don’t think you’re fun to hangout with then why would other people think so? Why is it that you don't think you're fun to hangout with? Find out what reasons are holding you back in this aspect and work on them.
Act upon any ideas that might lead you to think that:
Most of those reasons are always self-imposed limitations. The better you get at letting go when socializing with others the more fun you’ll naturally be.
The way to get over them is basically by proving to yourself that you’re not boring, that you’re cool enough and that your jokes are awesome.
Whatever self-imposed limitation you’re thinking of you can always counter it by proving yourself wrong.
For example: if you think you’re boring.
The reason you aren’t fun and open is usually that you feel too stifled in a social situation. Funny thing is that the reason why you’re stifled is probably that your think you’re boring, that’s called a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You can break this cycle by forcing yourself to snap out of your stifled state by taking action. Taking action will always take you out of a stifled state and allow you to be more expressive.
A personal “trick” I do to put myself in a fun social state is to take ballsy actions:
Say I’m at a party and I don’t know that many people, I might just be standing there with nothing to do. The ballsy action in that case would be to go talk to someone new. Even if the interaction goes badly and I feel embarrassed, it gets you all fired up for the next. This is how you build social momentum.
The previous goes along with this one, pretty much adds the “cool factor” to the things you do and say, it’s a huge social attractor.
People are desperate for cues on where they fit in; people are always looking at others to decide how they should feel basically.
This is where there’s a "crack" in the "social matrix" if you may call it that, because if you showcase yourself as a cool guy effectively, others will follow this lead and treat you accordingly.
Thinking highly of yourself basically causes every social interaction you’re in to be of social value. If you think your fun is valuable then it’ll be valuable to others. This one works based on your confidence.
In the end, learning how to be social truly is about expressing your personality and letting others be drawn to it. At first you must “crack” your usual way of thinking so that you naturally portray those things that will make others drawn to you and to get there you must first build real confidence in yourself and go through the “try-hard stage”. Go out and get social.