I want to Get my Ex back – Find the Best Approach to win her Back

‘I want to get my ex back’, that's all you might be thinking about right now; breaking up can be a hard time. And I’m here to tell you the truth behind getting back with your ex-girlfriend, I’ve done it, and sometimes it’s been a mistake, other times a complete success. Regardless of the final result, the best approach towards getting your ex back is here.

We can get obsessed with the idea of ‘I want to get my ex back no matter what’ and do all sorts of crazy things (I sure did), despair and a broken heart are terrible companions and breaking out of them is vital for your success on getting your ex-girlfriend back.

Obsessing about her and the idea of getting her back:

If you just broke up with your girlfriend, then you’re probably obsessing about her and stuck in awful and destructive thought loops.

‘I want to get my ex back, I’ll never find someone as good as her, I want her back, she’s unique, I want to get my ex back’.

She actually seems better than she really is:

When we’re heartbroken, it is normal for our ex to seem better than she really is, you tend to exaggerate her best attributes just because you can’t have her anymore. You probably were a bit sick about the relationship right before you broke up with her, but once the job is done and things come to an end, the balance immediately tilts one way or the other and perception makes it seem like she is so much better than she actually is.

As if this was the only woman you could love.

So how do you stop it?

Well, you’re probably not interested right now in stopping any obsession as you’re in the middle of it, all you’re wondering right now is ‘how do I get my ex back?’

Well, first you need to get your act together and gain some perspective.

Getting back with her is not always the best option:

If she cheated on you then you should just let it go completely right away. Cut all contact and never talk to her again. When a relationship ends because someone cheated, trust is completely destroyed and it’s not worth the stress to even try to make it work again.

There are many reasons why relationships end. You might have stopped being the guy she initially fall for, failed to be a leader in the relationship which derived in lots of fights, etc. The problems you once had will be back after a week or two if you get back together with her, they will be the exact same. I once got back several with an on-and-off ex-girlfriend, the exact same problems appeared every single time.

If you think you can work your way around it then give it a shot.

The abundance mentality:

The reason why you got your girlfriend in the first place is because you did all the right things and it all just naturally led up to this situation; attraction, challenge, status and connection all happened and it all just made sense at that time.  

Also, you broke up for a reason, either the chemistry faded out, you became needy, connection ceased to exist or maybe problems outbalanced love. Women are emotional creatures; this means they are more likely to live in the heat of the moment.

Right after you break up she’ll be in an emotional mood:

Right after breaking up, her emotions are not working in the same way, she’s either angry, sad, upset, or simply indifferent because she has the upper hand over the entire situation.

At this moment she won’t remember how special you made her feel before, or how attracted she was to you. If you are being extremely needy; all that you are to her right now is a needy guy who wants her back. No amount of convincing will automatically make her attracted to you again.

This happens because you’re coming from a place of scarcity, scarcity means neediness and neediness is unattractive. The guy who once was an exciting challenge to for her is no longer there because he’s now a needy chump.

In some cases being needy will work but that’s not MOST cases. Scarcity makes you needy and that’s in MOST cases extremely unattractive.

Bottom line: You need to be the cool guy you were in the beginning.

3 Steps to Getting your act together and falling back into an abundance mindset:

It’s a very tricky situation, because once you’re all heartbroken you fall into the ‘I want to get my ex back and it's the only thing I want’ mentality. Then, even if you’re trying to be abundant again you’re going to be doing it just because you want her back and coming at it from the wrong angle the whole time.

1. Drop your attachment:

Relationships create a strong bond and a lot of attachment, it’s hard to let go of it. If you want to “get her back” you’ve got to let go of her completely first, this is the only way to truly stop being needy.

Most times letting go of the girl is not what we want at all.

Letting go of her is very scary, and we don't want to do it. The idea of not wanting her just doesn’t make any sense. Right now all you want is for you and her to feel the same way you felt when you first got together.

So, the first thing you’ve got to do is accept the idea that you might never get her back again and that you should stop craving for those old emotions.

2. Mark some distance:

Cut all sorts of contact, stop annoying her and go into abundance by actually being abundant.


  • Going out and being more social.
  • Meeting more girls and interacting with them.
  • Having fun with your friends.
  • Going on fun plans and adventures.
  • Being the creator of your own fun.

Focus on having a socially rich lifestyle where you're completely happy with yourself, this is the best way to truly be abundant and attract people to your life. Being needy will push her away and being abundant will make people in general want to be around you. It is vital that you start taking these abundance mindsets and attitudes again. Being single allows you to more easily put your life together and point it in the direction that you want.

You can see how this idea goes against the ‘get my ex back’ obsession.

3. Being abundant attracts people to you:

Social abundance is about having a variety of social plans and options, this all connects to actively making plans with social people and putting yourself in situations where you can meet more people.

Social abundance is also about being the creator of your own fun; put yourself in a place where you can bring fun to the table. Not by being a clown but rather by being a guy that thinks his own jokes are hilarious and wants to share this positive vibe with others.

In a nutshell – How to get my ex back:

There’s no exact science behind human interactions, nothing works 100% of the time, there is no perfect method to ‘how to get my ex back’. However, your best shot comes from getting your act together and being abundant. Afterwards you can reinitiate contact once you’re in a cooler and chiller place in your life.

In several occasions whether ex-girlfriends or crushes that I had obsessed with ‘magically’ reappeared when I was just being a cool, funny, fun, abundant guy. Definitely your best shot comes from working on yourself and becoming the full potential guy you can be.

There are excellent books on the topic of relationships; I recommend you check out ‘The way of the superior man’ in the Books on social skills section.

Check out the basics of what women are attracted to:

How to attract girls

How to get a Girlfriend

The road to social mastery has many ups and downs, breaking up with your girl can be a low point but there is still hope, and if it doesn’t work out there’s literally millions of girls out there. Every ‘failure’ is a brick in your castle, if anything, breaking up has only forced me to constantly become a better version of myself. Go out and get social.

Related Articles:

5 Steps to Asking Someone Out: The first step is getting that first date.

First Date Advice: Get it RIGHT the first time and get her to want to see you more and more.

Avoid the Friendzone: You're the man who is going to venture into this completely imPOSSIBLE mission.

How to be Romantic:The CORRECT way to be cool, be confident, be charming and romance it up.

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