Socially Developing Self Confidence –
Work your Social Confidence
Like a Muscle.

The process of developing self confidence has a structure, kind of a messy one but if you get to understand it you can apply it to your life and develop it nicely.

Developing self confidence is one of those things that the vast majority of people don’t understand, and because they don’t understand it; those people will stick with excuses like “Some people are just born with it”, “some people have looks and money”, or they might just feel sorry about themselves and be self-depreciating.

But you, are about to learn why and how it works.

How do you Develop Self Confidence:

That’s a topic all by itself and you can read about it in our main article on confidence.

However, the jist of it is that you start working on improving your social skills. Transforming from a dud to a stud, that’s the entire point of this site, right? Or maybe at least getting the confidence to be just the confident man you want to be.

You want to develop confidence around your social circles, get a social circle if you don’t have one, being able to carry yourself more confidently, talking to women with comfort and confidence, etc.

These are all things that we ALL want, and you only develop skills by repetition and experience.

Confidence becomes a by-product of your skills and your ‘numbness’ to social practices, but deep inside your confidence becomes a mindset.

Simply because as you work on all those things you start taking on a new mentality. I used to identify a LOT with the word ‘shy’. It really was part of my identity.

“Who are you”, I’d answer "I’m a shy guy".

As you start growing and building a life where you become a more social person; your mentality becomes that of a more social person. Your natural reaction of a hot girl approaching you shifts from “Oh no! I’m feeling anxious, what do I say? What do I do? Will she like me? Please just go somewhere else.” To “Oh a cute girl! I have an abundance of social opportunities, people like me and there’s no reason this girl won’t”

It won’t Happen Over Night:

The key is to Start Trusting Yourself. As you start working on all your social skills, anxiety will come your way, you’ll be scared to be outgoing in front of that group of cool guys for example. However, the commitment to stick to it will make you go through all the actions necessary to start stretching your comfort zone.

Expanding your comfort zone will fill you with confidence, it always will, no matter what.

There will always be a ‘social action’ that will be outside your comfort zone, and performing such ‘social action’ will help you trust yourself more and more.

Self-trust = Confidence.

And self-trust doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be good at everything you do.

New Situations - Self-Trust - Comfort Zone:

Your unconscious mind will become more and more comfortable with all new situations you engage in. Situations that are outside your comfort zone are usually those situations where you don't trust your performance too much.

Singing at a karaoke bar for example, you might just not trust your singing skills, you’ve never done it and you are not comfortable standing in front of an audience ‘making a fool of yourself’.

If you were to go and sing karaoke every night, it would probably be intensely nerve-wrecking the first time, probably about 90% less scary the second time but still pretty scary.

After 4 months of karaoke singing every night it’s just not that scary anymore, right?

Think about how that example would affect the rest of you daily life, you’d probably get a huge confidence boost. Anyway, that’s just an example of how good expanding your comfort zone works. It's the main way of developing self confidence.

Developing self confidence is: "It's okay to do this":

Let’s go deeper into that karaoke example. You’ll find out what becomes REAL ways of developing self confidence vs. temporary self confidence.

Temporary Confidence: You get the balls to go up and sing that karaoke song, song goes good and you go back to sitting with your friends. You’ll feel that awesome emotion of the God’s, what is it called? Oh yes, confidence! People love you at that moment, you feel their approval. More importantly, you feel your own approval. However, that’s the only time you’ll sing, you got the balls ONCE to go do it and that’s enough. The emotion and self-acceptance will start slowly fading away until you’re back to where you started.

Long-lasting Confidence: You basically take that song as a whole new trampoline for your confidence, you go every night and face your fears, and expand this to the rest of your life. You continuously seize the chance to expand to yourself that you can do it and even if it doesn’t go well, “it’s ok”.

What you must know:

As you work on developing social skills, meeting new people, being more attractive to women, making better eye contact, being more positive, etc. You ARE going to be embarrassed, you are going to feel uncomfortable; why? Because life doesn’t not work that way, you don’t always get the results you want right away.

Especially in the beginning, it gets harder to get good ‘results’ with every new thing you’re trying.

If you are working on improving eye contact and that cutie comes over and you just get TOO nervous look away and end up feeling like a chump. Well… that’s ok, right?

No it’s not! Feel that fury and make it better next time. Even bad emotions can be used in a positive way.

Accept that you have to go through stress to grow. Take baby steps but always keep moving forward. That’s what developing self confidence is all about.

So this is a more graphic way of how the process of developing self confidence actually works:

Stage 1:

  • Acknowledgment of what growth and getting social skills means: embarrassment, awkwardness and facing your own fears. On the bright side it means you’re taking your first steps on being a more confident guy.

Stage 2:

  • You start getting better at those new social things you're trying out. What used to be a huge deal starts becoming second nature to you.

Stage 3:

  • Moving forward in challenges, taking the skills you already learned and using them to get more advanced skills. You can see the loop here: new skills mean new fears. It’s stage 1 all over again.

Stage 4 is really rinse and repeat, there’s no real end to developing self confidence. It is about continuously challenging yourself socially. Not getting complacent and knowing that your personal growth has no limits. Go out and get social!

Related Articles:

3 Tips on How to Become More Assertive: Start drawing lines, earning some respect, being the man and get the girls.

3 Questions on How to be Social: If you answer them correctly you are on the right path.

Having a Congruent Personality: When confidence comes from being in alignment with your purpose and goal in life.

Just Be Yourself: Gain confidence by just 'being yourself'.

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