Rejection is the ugly part of building socials skills, and dealing with rejection can be tough. I remember reading about how the pain of rejection was actually similar to feeling physical pain, and a lot of people would probably rather feel physical pain than being rejected.
Pain is a very good thing, it makes you stronger - but of course no one wants to feel it.
The problem comes when you let this fear of rejection control you, it ends up not allowing you to live a full life. Especially socially you have to deal a lot with being rejected by others, like I said it’s the ugly part, it’s what makes socializing an “extreme sport”.
You either feel glorious and accepted or feel the deep pain of rejection in your chest and have to deal with getting over it.
When it comes to socializing you can get rejected by strangers, your peers or even more painfully, a member of the opposite sex.
Getting rejected by girls can be tough man, especially if you’re suffering from the famous ‘oneitis’.
Anyway, I understand how awful rejection feels, I still get rejected by people, girls, friends, etc quite a lot.
You will never completely escape rejection, but dealing with rejection can be easier when you re-frame it and actually get to see the benefits of rejection.
Keep in mind that you will probably never get rid of rejection, you will be rejected at times until the end of your life.
Rejection is a natural part of life, you will try to get people to like you and they might not like that idea too much for whatever reason.
So the important part is this:
Realize that it’s a natural part of socializing and getting better skills with girls, if you understand and accept that you’re going to get rejected then you can stop having a strong emotional reaction towards it.
Accept it, it’s going to happen like it or not. It feels bad but it’s not going to kill you so stop caring about it. Expect rejection to happen randomly even if you weren’t doing anything wrong.
You can’t expect to run a marathon without getting tired; rejection is a natural consequence of the social game.
Work on getting de-sensitized from all those emotions.
When I first started working in this area of my life it was pretty bad, I remember I’d try to find friends everywhere, I wanted to get a consistent social group.
So I’d go out with whoever invited me to go out to socialize, sometimes this included attractive girls.
What happened due to my lack of social skills is that usually I’d come across as being a needy person and neediness is the number one social repellent. People didn’t like me much at certain times.
This resulted in people rejecting me a lot, it felt horrible but it also meant I had a long way to go on learning how dealing with rejection worked.
Let’s assume you NEVER want to get rejected, what you should then is avoid situations where you might get rejected.
Avoid social situations, awkward conversations, talking with intimidating, even avoid being outspoken around your friends or the possibility of meeting new ones.
You know what would happen if you did that?
You’d be shy.
Doing the complete opposite will actually make you confident, get how it works?
Rejection will happen either way, but would you rather live a socially rich life by being confident or keep being shy?
What happened on the period of my life where I had few-to-no friends, is that I was living in scarcity of social options:
This naturally made me really needy and started making me think that every interaction was way too important.
Which takes us to the negative loop a lot of shy people are stuck in:
Not being competent at something makes you feel less confident at this task, being less confident makes you less competent.
Knowing this, the conclusion is simple: Being scarce of options will make it more likely for you to get rejected, and trying not to get rejected is the best way to get rejected.
The world is an abundant place; even the small city I live in is an abundant place.
The solution: Stop TRYING, don’t take it personal and work on your social skills regardless.
It’s a pretty normal and natural thing for people to want the acceptance of others, but it’s actually counter-productive towards your goals of an excellent social life.
What you want to do is realize that even when you get rejected; options are abundant and you’ll always have another chance. Internalizing that idea will make you take some pressure off yourself when socializing.
With less pressure, you’ll act more loose and confident which will make it less likely that you get rejected. You see how it works.
It’s no joke that the hungry don’t get fed. Using this analogy the trick is to convince yourself that you aren’t hungry and to not show your hunger to others.
Dealing with rejection in an effective way can massively improve your confidence, this is how it becomes a great way to develop your social skills.