Just like any other Skill, building social skills is a practice game. A game than can either be fun or a living hell, and that will depend on how you take it.
The secret is already out there: To build social skills all you’ve got to do is to go out and get social.
Going out creates the social opportunities, the “getting social” part means you actually go socialize and do the work that’s involved with building social skills, so that you can learn what works and what doesn’t in the social scheme to both a conscious and unconscious level.
If there ever is, was or will be a “step 1” to building social skills, this is it. NO ONE builds social skills by staying at home.
Put yourself in any social situation, the best way to do it is by joining a team, club, group, class, etc. Somewhere where you interact with people on a daily basis in an environment where you’re forced to do so.
I used to never get any invitations to go out since I had no social skills and was kind of a loser, those days are long gone and they first started by making the commitment to go out at least once every weekend.
In reality, once a week is not enough, go out at least 2-3 times a week to socialize.
Again, you’ve got to create these opportunities if they’re not coming your way. As you start building social skills and build a bigger and better social circle, you’ll get so many invitations to go out that you’ll have to turn some of them down.
I don’t mean Facebook, Myspace or Twitter. I mean real life social networking. Meet new people constantly, this makes such a big difference when it comes to building social skills.
Someone you meet today is a fresh new start. They don’t know if you’re cool, a nerd, a hippie, a skater, whatever. You can work on becoming cooler with new people just because they have no preconceived notion of you.
Meeting new people on a consistent basis allows you to build new links where you don’t necessarily have to play the social role you play with the people you already know. In my old social group I was the nerd guy; when I started meeting more people they had no idea what my previous social role was. So they just treated me like a cool guy.
That allowed me to become a cooler guy because I’d be getting positive social pressure to act like the cool guy they perceived me to be.
Build this environment of good emotions in your life, ever heard that money brings more money? Same thing happens in your social life, living a life where people treat you like a cool guy, call you to hangout and think you’re cool will actually attract more of that positive social life into your life.
Cool people want to be around cool people, build your life in a way where there’s always fun, cool stuff going on in it and cool social connections everywhere.
If you go out enough and try to improve your social skills you will eventually improve them, there’s no doubt about it. There’s also no escaping it, you can read all the online articles in the world and they won’t actually make you get social skills.
You MUST socialize.
Putting ‘yourself out there’ is the road to social skills, however, you can take shortcuts in this road by having the correct guidance.
This is where the “work smart” part kicks in. Going out and just being creepily nice to people isn’t going to take you anywhere too fast, it eventually will but not as fast as you’d want to.
You can find those correct guidelines here in social success mastery, but going out and applying these guidelines is when you actually “walk the road”, this site is the map to show you all the shortcuts in the road and also the correct direction to go to. Learn the principles, mentality and ideas, and then go apply them.
The map can show you the way and the shortcuts, but only YOU can walk to road.
There’s a couple things that will try to hold you back from building your social skills.
Fear: It’s always there and basically the reason we hold from doing the things we want to do. You will feel scared of jumping into those social situations that will allow you to improve your social skills. Recognize fear and do it anyway, it will only make you better and more confident in the end.
Getting Overwhelmed: If you’re starting from a place in your life where your social skills are not that good; socializing will feel exhausting and like “you’ve had enough”. Keep going anyways, it’s normal that taking your life from a place where you’re not meeting anyone to having some people in your life will feel somewhat outside of what you’re used to and uncomfortable. Keep going.
Social Pressure: Social pressure is a can of worms of its own, there’s thousands of reasons why humans have learned to apply and to feel social pressure. Long story short is that people will try to discourage you from trying to improve your social skills and go up in the social ladder, be prepared and go through with it anyways.
If you’re going to be working on building social skills, you can’t take anything personally. Social skills are just skills, you’re improving these skills and they only will stick with you if you stay motivated and keep working on them.
If you get bad reactions from people, rejected or not invited just remember that you’re working on something that is focused on a process and not on the results.
Success is taking the right action. Success no longer is about the results you get or how you performed. Success is when you get the guts to go and do what has to be done no matter what.
Because you’re process oriented; it doesn’t matter how other people react to your actions, the only thing that matters is that you’re training yourself to do what has to be done at all times.
Pat yourself on the back every time you take right action and don’t be too harsh when you didn’t, remember you are you very own favorite social athlete, work hard, work smart and stay motivated.
You probably go through life doubting every single thing you do. “Should I say hi to this coworker? Hmmm maybe not, he seems busy, uhmm I’ll just well, uhm no.” Going through life like this is bad for your confidence.
You should be teaching yourself that you’re worthy of giving good emotions to everyone and having a good time.
Whether you decide to say hi to that coworker or not: Own it.
Decided to not say hi? Trust your action, don’t feel bad or awkward just feel like it’s what you chose to do and it’s ok just because that’s what you decided.
Decided to say hi? Go over and say hi but fully own it, realize that it’s the cool thing to do.
Whatever you do, own it fully because it’s your decision.
Building social skills is a practice game, go out, join clubs, meet new people, influence them, connect with them, make plans and take the right action that makes you a cool guy. Go out and get social.