5 Steps to Asking Someone Out and Succeeding at it

Asking someone out can be a tough and nerve-wrecking experience. I totally remember how nervous I would get when I really liked girl and wanted to ask her out, just the terror from the idea of asking her out, made me not want to do it at all.

Like in every other area of my life, it’s been a long time since then, and to be honest, I never got the guts to ask a girl out during that time period. I was SO nervous that I’d rather just avoid it completely. This didn’t help me at all, of course.

It wasn’t until I got some level of social competence that I was able to do it. Tons of experience and information got me to the point where I can give you right now the most solid advice on asking someone out without making it a nightmare.

So here we go!

1. First, let’s put things into Perspective:

You probably have someone in mind, or maybe you already got rejected when you tried asking someone out at some point, either way, the first issue comes with making it all just way too important.

You need to put this girl and situation into perspective, so that when you ask her out it goes as smooth, natural and least terrifying as possible.

Firstly, RELAX.

I know, I know. This is one of those things that is easier said than done, and when you’re caught up IN the situation you can’t objectively see it; that’s why I have a few ideas to help you gain some perspective.

Keep the following in mind:

  • There’s literally MILLIONS of women out there: One more or one less makes no difference - really, it doesn’t. Asking someone out is not a big deal.
  • Remember that she’s human: She breathes, has 2 eyes (I’d hope) and eats and evacuates like any other person does, it’s always an easy thing to forget, especially when it might seem to you like she’s a goddess. She’s really just a normal person; LIKE YOU.
  • She might just be as eager/nervous as you are: One’s self-concept oftentimes gets in the way of what we think we deserve or not. One must really realize that she might like you as much as you like her. Because hey; you’re a man and she’s a woman, duh.
  • Every rejection takes you a step closer to success: Rejection only means getting rid of any crazy ideas you might have built around this girl, you will surely be more confident next time you ask a woman out, which will make it all more likely to work out.

Find your own ideas that help you get the perspective you need to stop it from becoming a big deal.

2. The Way – Be Cool and Congruent:

Isn’t being cool and smooth something we all want? Remember that confidence is the ultimate attractor. Someone who is confident doesn’t make a big deal out of asking someone out. So, you should always aim for being as natural as you can.

Being fully confident might not come to you naturally quite yet, however, in the meantime all you should focus on is being ‘congruent’.

She doesn’t want the perfect guy, she wants the guy who is ok with who he is. Being congruent is key to all kinds of confidence. Even the type of confidence that comes from being awkward and still being ok with it.

Get rid of the idea that confidence means acting like James Bond all the time, confidence is, to a deep level being happy with who you are and thinking you deserve great things.

If you’re feeling nervous you should embrace it fully with optimism, hoping for that ‘yes I’ll go out with you, you sexy beast.’ While still holding your head up regardless of what she says, find self-acceptance in the fact that you fully accepted how you felt and asked her out anyway, instead of focusing on the results.

This kind of self-acceptance brings comfort to EVERY social situation you’re in, people don’t feel tensed up around you but they instead feel relaxed and at ease. This is key for getting that ‘yes’.

3. The Correct way of Asking Someone Out:

So, putting things into perspective and being cool works, so, what’s the best manner to do it?


Depending on every situation and every girl, it might change. What you usually want is that her attention is set on you, whether it is in person, or via text, the timing is better when she might be off work or school.


If you know for a fact that this girl is really into you, the whole romantic approach might do wonders, however, if that’s not the case; you should try something really chill and natural, among the lines of ‘Hey, let’s grab a bite tonight’.


You are trying to convey that you are a cool guy and that you fell like both of you will have a good time going out; all the natural attractive qualities of a man, right? Sometimes, your wording might be communicating different things.

‘Hey, I want to watch a movie, we should go’.

Communicates better things than.

‘What movie do you want to watch? Will you go out with me and watch it?’

Don’t overdo it, but you get the idea; it’s about conveying this coolness, if you’re talking about movies and she talks about a new movie she wants to watch, it’s a perfect opportunity to drop a ‘let’s go watch it on Sunday’.

Have a clear idea of what you want to do:

Be specific about what you’re going to be doing in this date, coffee, movies, a party, etc.

Find Many Date Ideas Here!

4. Confidence beats all:

You can do it however you want.

Again, nothing beats real confidence, so even if you break all of the above rules but do it confidently, it will work. Asking someone out is a pure expression of who you are.

Women like men that are in demand, men that are in demand have no problems asking women out, the only way you can become this kind of guy is through experience.

In the long run, as you get better in the social area and with women, you can start bending the rules like Neo in the matrix.

5. There’s 2 possible answers and they’re both good:

Let’s study the two possible scenarios now:

She might say “no” Act cool; don’t show that you’re upset – even if you were to be. There’s other fish in the sea, plus, you can always try again, a few weeks later. So, it’s important that you keep your cool so that you don’t ruin your chances for later. Don’t take it personal, it’s a rejection of your approach, not of you as a person. You only got experience from it and the pride that you had the guts to do it.

She might have a legitimate excuse as to why she can’t go out on that specific day, in which case you can just ask her out a few days later.

If she says “yes” If she says yes, keep your cool as well. Simply go out with her and keep the lead, you know how it goes!

Asking someone out doesn’t have to be a terrifying experience, remember, always hope for the best, and only good things can happen from taking your chances.

Next Article: First Date Advice -->

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