The real answer to all my social problems came with social skills activities, what this meant for me was engaging in activities where I was forced to use my social skills and therefore practice them.
Basically this is the only way you’ll see some improvement. Nothing replaces real social skills activities and social skill practicing in the real world.
You could meditate for years to try to get the correct mindset towards socializing and internalize confidence through meditation but it will only do as much as one day of socializing!Point being, the quickest, most secure way to improve your social skills is through socializing.
If you’re at a point in your life where you think your social skills are pretty bad, or want to improve them even though they’re decent, then you probably don’t have a very socially-rich lifestyle.
True change comes better when you totally align with the values you want to acquire. For example; if you want to become better at decision making then you gotta start making decisions and trusting them. In this case, if you want to truly be a more social person then you gotta lead a socially-rich life.
Handling big social circles, having different ones, meeting lots and lots of people every day, luckily this is one of the easiest part of building the social lifestyle you want.
So, if you want new social circles and social skills you’ve got to start joining social activities.
The best activities for your social skills are the ones that involve big groups of people.
For example when I first started finding new social circles, I joined a leadership organization, this involved lots of volunteer work with lots of volunteers. This meant Id be meeting lots and lots of people by default.
This wasn’t the only new activity I joined I also started taking new classes, of course this involved meeting new people in them. Because those classes were of my interest then I met people with similar interests to mine.
New Social Activities give you "social freshness"
The best thing about meeting completely new people is that you start “socially fresh”
Say you have a small social circle that you always see or hangout with. They probably already have an idea of you, in my case I was always considered to be the really shy and socially awkward guy.
If you start taking a new identity, usually, people who knew you for your former identity will be confused when you start acting differently. Not only will they be confused, but they will try to resist the change and try to keep you in your old role.
People don’t do this in a mean manner; it’s actually an unconscious thing.
You would unconsciously do it too; people usually want to keep the order of things.
In my case I was trying to go from the awkward shy guy to the cool ladies man guy, this is what I wanted to become and the new identity I tried to take.
What happened when I started acting this way in front of my old social group?
Yes, they resisted, laughed and tried to keep me in my former role. They are my friends, they only did this to try to tell me “dude, that isn’t you”. So, don’t take it personal!
What happens when you join new social skills activities is that people don’t have those pre-conceptions of you and basically will accept you for whatever identity you’re conveying. This is what I mean by socially fresh!
I’ll list a few activities to get your social skills going you can try:
You can think of many more that suit the lifestyle you want to build, the most important part of these social skills activities is that they basically force you to socialize. So, for example, joining a gym might be a good thing for your shape (which I recommend) and you might meet some people there, but it doesn’t necessarily force you to hold interactions with people.
Go out, find new social circles (don’t diss your others) engage in social skills activities and get social!